


Twisted. Not Sick. There's A Difference.

by Shenandoah76209



Series: Animals In the Black [4]
Category: Firefly, Pitch Black (2000), The Chronicles of Riddick Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 20:03:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11320701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shenandoah76209/pseuds/Shenandoah76209
Summary: Jayne doesn't understand why River's worried about having enough salt.  Mal walks in on the explanation and isn't thrilled.Written for BetterInTexas's prompt/challenge "I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure."





	Twisted. Not Sick. There's A Difference.

"I don't see yer fascination with salt," Jayne was shaking his head as River made certain they were well stocked with that particular condiment. "Seems ev'n more _chī xiàn_ than usual."

River shrugged and sat at the table the sharpen her knives, her feet comfortably settled in Riddick's lap as she drew a whetstone down one blade. "Wasn't aware Jayne wanted a lecture on the most effective methods of torture without use of electricity or waterboarding."

Jayne had just begun taking one of his guns apart and nearly dropped a piece in his surprise. "Thought ya didn' hold with that sorta thin'." He managed to recover after a moment. "I mean, ye gave that Saffron, Bridget, Yolanda _jiàn huò_ a hard time, but there weren't no real damage done ta her."

"More's the pity," Riddick muttered as he methodically sharpened his blades. "Still say you shoulda let me do more'n cut off her hair."

River shrugged, "Cap'n was still looking for reasons to put us off the boat. Back of his mind, worried that we were too dangerous."

"He weren't wrong," Jayne chuckled. "Kinda proved that to him."

"Captain worries about the wrong things." River dismissed Mal's concerns with a shrug. "And won't let either of us utilize our skills to the fullest capabilities.

"So... what's the sorta things ya can do," Jayne asked curiously. "I kinda know Rick's history. But b'fore ya got ta the Academy, ya weren't exactly rough an' tumble."

River grinned and Riddick smirked.

* * *

 

They were having a spirited discussion on the proper way to skin someone alive, and whether or not it was possible to hang someone on a meathook and have them remain alive and conscious when Mal walked in

"I'm tellin' ya, it can be done, ya just gotta make sure ye put the hook under the collarbone, without hittin' the lungs much." Riddick was assuring Jayne. "It ain't like butcherin' a steer or a boar or stag or whatever. Ya gott.a take into account the squirmin' an' such."

Jayne was still looking dubious when River chimed in. "Also must remember to stimulate but not over stimulate. Don't want them going into shock but don't want a heart attack either." She pointed at the salt shaker that had started the entire conversation. "And to give them a break from being skinned, you give them some thin cuts on a sensitive area...not the genitals, too much sensitivity, an abundance of nerve endings. But the inner thigh, or the stomach... slice a bit and then add salt to the wounds. Cleans them but hurts like the worst burns."

Jayne was grinning and looking mightily impressed while Mal just looked horrified.

" _Nǐ zài jiǎng shén me pì huà_." The Captain was shaking his head. "You, you're... River, girl that's just sick."

River sighed and rolled her eyes, "Captain is erroneous in his conclusions."

"You cain't mean to tell me you didn't just explain how to torture someone and keep them awake for it." Mal stared at her. "How is that a mistake?"

The Reader rolled her eyes again. "I'm not sick. I'm twisted." She explained with the air of someone giving a child a lesson in basic spelling. "Sick makes it sound like there's a cure."

Mal couldn't do much but shake his head as Riddick laughed and Jayne chortled, quite willing to continue the discussion. "So what'd ya do if someun's weak like? Ya know, like Dobson was?"

River began to enlighten him, with Riddick contributing, pausing only when Mal fled the kitchen, still muttering under his breath about his sick and twisted crew.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: So this kinda popped into my head. Mostly because I've finally been writing Animals again. I'm working on getting all the sites updated and hopefully getting going with the story again.
> 
> Chinese Translations:
> 
> chī xiàn (crazy)
> 
> jiàn huò (bitch)
> 
> Nǐ zài jiǎng shén me pì huà (What shit/the fuck are you saying)


End file.
